What kind of Jews do you have?

  

So, the next time Schlamazal or Schlemiel calls and asks “What kind of Jews live in ventnor , I have my answer all ready. Here it is:

We are wise Jews. Wicked Jews. We’re those I’ll be your 10^th man if you need me Jews. Those G-d is real, but I am not sure what he wants from me Jews. We’re those always questioning Jews. Those thinking Jews and let me tell you something Jews. Those old Jews. New Jews. If you need a place for Shabbos you can stay with me Jews.

Those always trying to make your life just a little better Jews. We’re those twice a year you’ll find me in shul, but I am Jewish all year long Jews. Those I would rather not, but since you asked me, OK I will wrap tefillin Jews. Those I am little scared to admit it but yes, I am a Jew, Jews. Those I just started keeping Shabbos in my college dorm and why didn’t anyone tell me about this before Jews.

We’re those I’m an Israeli so don’t tell me what to do Jews. Those yes, I am Haredi but not like the ones in the movies Jews. Those English, Turkish, Yemenite and Moroccan Jews. Those Ashkenazi blonde-and-blue-eyed but no I’m not a shiksa Jews. Those recently converted and totally loving it Jews. We are 7^th generation Charleston Jews. Soviet era born and desperately trying to catch up Jews. Not yet but working on being more shabbat conscious Jews.

Those I’m not religious but so proud of being Jewish Jews. Those we don’t know why we’re still being persecuted Jews. And I am a little afraid so I’m trying not to be too Jewish Jews. And those whenever we’re murdered you probably think we had it coming Jews. But still, not afraid to wear my Star of David Am Israel Chai Jews.

We’re those you don’t want to hear this, but I don’t care what you think Jews. Those bullied in high school because I was rocking a yarmulke Jews. Those standing up to Jew hater Jews. Those I think you got it all wrong, but I respect and love you cause you’re my brother Jews.

We’re those Iron Dome cheering where were you BBC when the missiles were raining down on Tel Aviv Jews. Those if you’re a hater you can just get off my Facebook page Jews. Those we’re sick of your double standards and that UN stands for Useless Nations to me Jews. That will fight it out if you have a problem with me Jews. And we desperately want to just live side by side in peace with you Jews.

We’re those always needing to explain that chosen doesn’t mean better Jews. Those let’s figure it out together Jew. Those there’s never, ever just one answer Jews. Those I don’t know which way to hold a siddur but I just like being in shul with other Jews, Jews. Those psychoanalytical and let me tell you something about you and your mother Jew.

We’re those look how many Nobel Prizes we won Jews. Those OMG OMG did you know that Houdini, Pink, Wonder Woman, Scarlett Johansson, Drake, Harry Potter, Indiana Jones, Jonas Salk (the polio vaccine guy) were Jewish, Jews. Those and did you know that we invented stuff that’s part of your everyday life but you don’t even know it Jews. Those I was born in the USA but my daughter wants to fly jet F-16’s for IDF. Those I don’t know the difference between Bibi and Bamba but I believe in my people to do what is right Jews.

We’re those lox and bagel noshing falafel & hummus eating couscous, schnitzel, latkes & matzah ball soup scarfing Jew. We’re those hey you BDS Israel’s the only liberal democracy in the Middle East Jew. We’re those I became a refugee when my ancestors were kicked out of Arab lands Jew.

We’re those I’m totally not religious but rush home every Thursday night to study Talmud on Zoom Jews. Those taking my tuna on matzah lunch wrapped in tin foil to public school on Passover Jews. Those I may not always eat kosher, but I won’t touch bacon Jews. Those looking for the truth forever wandering Jew. Those I just want my child married under a chuppah and give me Jewish grandchildren Jews. Those I walked out of Auschwitz and was afraid for too long until I stood at the state house and lit the menorah Jews.

We’re those I’ll bet I am more religious that you Jews. And those I’ll bet you are, but I love you anyway Jews. Those with a picture at the wall of a chossid and a soldier in arms at the wall Jews. My son’s an IDF hero Jews. Those you may kill me, but you won’t kill my dream Jews. Those I’ve never been to Israel, but I’ll get there someday because it’s my homeland Jews. Those it’s almost 4000 years and we’re still standing Jews. Those we’re finally here standing at the western wall with a tear in my eye Jews.

We’re those I won’t apologize for surviving Jews. Those fighting to make USC understand that scheduling major programs on YK isn’t cool Jews. Those never ever again Jews. Those I won’t rest until every Jewish child in Columbia has an excellent Jewish education Jews.

We’re a mother of 6 and still wish there were more of us Jews. Those creative Jew. Those dancer Jews. Painter Jews. Those grandchildren of those who suffered so we would just make it Jews. Those but I wish they would have taught me Yiddish Jews.

We’re those everything’s part of Hashem’s plan and I’ll keep looking for the answer Jews. Those we’re going to be okay because Moshiach is coming so hang in there and do another mitzvah Jews. Those I believe human dignity will prevail, and the world is made up of decent people Jews.

So to Shlomie and Schlemazal and to all the other who want to label us I say, we’re not religious, we’re not orthodox, we’re not cultural, spiritual, or secular Jews. We’re not centrist Orthodox or Modern Orthodox, Open Orthodox, Closed Orthodox, or even slightly ajar Orthodox. We are not nondenominational,” “trans denominational,” “post-denominational” we are just authentic, Jews. And we are here today because we’re Jews, no more no less. That’s all, and that’s enough.