never tell marriage jokes.

 You know, you should never tell marriage jokes.

Women don't find them funny,

And men don't think they're jokes.

25th wedding anniversary

 25th wedding anniversary... shopping in mall... wife didnt see husbend for 30 minutes... wifes calls husband, where are you? 

Remeber that jewlery shop... yes... the pink dimond you loved .. yes yes... i said that one day i will find the money ... yes yes... ok good. im in the sports bar accross from that jewlery shop haveing some drinks... please let me know when you are finished shopping.

Joke: women use more words than men

WORDS

A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men. Excited to prove to his wife his long-held contention
that women in general, and his wife in particular, talked too much, he showed her the studyath results, which stated: "Men use about 15,000 words per day,

but women use 30,000."  His wife thought awhile, then finally she said to her husband, "That's because we have to repeat everything we say."
The husband said, "What?"

One day in the Garden of Eden

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have 
a problem!"
  "What's the problem, Eve?"
  "Lord, I know you created me and provided  this beautiful garden and
all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but 
I'm just not happy."
  "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
  "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
  "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution.  I shall create a man 
for you."
  "What's a man, Lord?"
  "This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie,
cheat, and be vain and glorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time.
But...he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things.
He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining,
I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. 
He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and 
kicking a ball about.  He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your 
advice to think properly."
  "Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"What's the catch, Lord?"
  "Well... you can have him on one condition."
  "What's that, Lord?"
  "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll 
have to let him believe that I made him first.  Just remember, it's our
little secret...You know, woman to woman." 

before it starts - Joke

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts."

The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts."

She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute."

The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore ..."

The man sighs and says, "It's started ..."