"Mummy, how do you spell zilla?"

 Little 5 year old Benjy was practicing spelling on his fridge using a set of magne tic letters. Freda, his mother, had watched him put together words such as 'mum', 'dad', 'dog', 'cat' and 'car' and was very proud of her clever son. But then Benjy shouted out, "Look what I spelled, mummy."

Freda looked at the fridge and saw that he had put up the three magnetic letters, 'G' 'O' 'D'.

"Why, that's wonderful, Benjy," she said, "why don't you leave them on the fridge until daddy comes home?" "OK, mummy," he said.

But just as Freda was thinking that the Jewish school he went to was st

arting to have an impact, Benjy's little voice called out, "Mummy, how do you spell zilla?"

Joke: a dead seagull

A woman went to the beach with her children. Her four-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand.

"Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked.

"He died and went to heaven," she replied.

The child thought for a moment and said, "And God threw him back down?"

One day in the Garden of Eden

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have 
a problem!"
  "What's the problem, Eve?"
  "Lord, I know you created me and provided  this beautiful garden and
all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but 
I'm just not happy."
  "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
  "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
  "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution.  I shall create a man 
for you."
  "What's a man, Lord?"
  "This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie,
cheat, and be vain and glorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time.
But...he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things.
He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining,
I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. 
He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and 
kicking a ball about.  He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your 
advice to think properly."
  "Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"What's the catch, Lord?"
  "Well... you can have him on one condition."
  "What's that, Lord?"
  "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll 
have to let him believe that I made him first.  Just remember, it's our
little secret...You know, woman to woman." 

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining.

The following was found written on a cellar wall in Cologne (Köln) after World War II,

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining.
I believe in love even when I feel it not.
I believe in God even when he is silent.

life after birth?

Twins, a sister and brother were talking to each other in the womb. The little sister said to the little brother: ‘I believe that there is life after birth!’ Her brother protested: ‘No, no, this is all there is. This is a dark and cosy place, and we have nothing else to do but to cling on to the cord that feeds us.’ But the little girl insisted: ‘There must be something more than this dark place, there must be something else where there is light and freedom to move.’ Still she could not convince her twin brother. Then...after some silence, she said hesitantly: ‘I have something else to say, and I am afraid you won’t believe that either, but I think there is a mother!’ Her little brother now became furious: ‘A mother, a mother, what are you talking about? I have never seen a mother and neither have you. Who put that idea in your head? As I told you, this place is all we have so let’s be content.’ The little sister finally said: ‘Don’t you feel this pressure sometimes? Its really unpleasant and sometimes even painful.’ ‘Yes,’ he answered, ‘what’s special about that?’ ‘Well,’ the sister said, ‘I think this pressure is there to get us ready for another place, much more beautiful than this, where we will see our mother face to face! Don’t you think that’s exciting!. 

Matchmaker in the Sky

It is said that God is the greatest matchmaker in the world and his first
successful "shidduch" or match, Adam and Eve, were the best match in human
history.
In heaven, Adam and Eve ask the Almighty why this is so.
"Well," God replied, "Adam, you didn't have to hear about all of the men
Even could have married, and Eve, you didn't have to hear about how well
Adam's mother cooked."

Take ONLY ONE

It was lunchtime at the Jewish nursery school and all the children were
lined up by the teachers. Then, as usual, they were led into the canteen.
Little Moshe quickly noticed that at one end of the dining table was a large
pile of apples with the message, "Take ONLY ONE apple each, God is
watching."  At the other end he noticed was a large pile of kosher chocolate
chip cookies.
Moshe then whispered to his friend Sarah, "We can take all the cookies we
want. God is watching the apples."