NO FAIR! FASTING IS EASIER!!!!!

From Rabbi Lazer Gurkow:


My wife, may she live and be well till 120, was explaining to my daughter
why adults fast on Yom Kippur. You know, she said, how children sometimes do
things that are not good like fighting or getting angry or not sharing? Yes,
my daughter nods. Well, says the seasoned mother, adults can sometimes (only
sometimes you see :-) also be guilty of such things. Soooo on Yom Kippur we
feel really badly for what we have done and we ask Hashem for
forgiveness.The way we ask is by fasting to show how sad we are that we did
the Avera.

So far so good, my daughter understands and is still with the program, but
her little mind is churning and she has one more question. Hmmmm, how do we
kids show Hashem that we are sad? Aaah, says my wise wife, children are
forgiven without fasting. They are forgiven simply by asking Hashem to
forgive them, telling Hashem how sorry they are for what they did and
promising to Hashem that they will never ever ever do it again. Now my wife
is thinking she got out of the woods with a pretty good explanation... but
to no avail.

My daughter screws up her little face with one of her classic rants. NO
FAIR! FASTING IS EASIER!!!!!

A Tattoo in the Mikavh

 A baal Teshuvah immersing in a Mikvah on Erev Yom Kippur slipped just
before he reached the water, he slipped and lost his balance. Trying to
catch his fall, he let his hand off his arm, revealing a lewd tattoo.
Completely ashamed, he stood frozen in his spot. Everyone was at a loss for
words to comfort him until an old man said, "Look here, my boy, I also have
a tattoo." He pointed to the row of numbers etched in his skin. "This is in
case I forget what those monsters had planned for me. It seems we've both
come a long way."

It's not where we are coming from, but where we are going that matters.
Furthermore, all Jews can connect with one another, despite outward
differences. In essence, all Jews are one, and we can reveal this inner
bond.

A young executive was preparing to leave the office...

A young executive was preparing to leave the office...

A young executive was preparing to leave the office late one evening, when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"This is a very sensitive and important document," said the CEO, "and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you get this thing to work for me?"
"Certainly," said the young executive eagerly. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the START button.
"Excellent! Thank you!" said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just needed one copy..."

"Change must come from within."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen
master, who pays with a $20 bill. The hot dog vendor puts the
bill in the cash drawer and closes the drawer.
"Where's my change?" asks the Zen master. The hot dog vendor
responds, "Change must come from within."

Joke - G-d's getting better at it, isn?t he??

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather?s lap as he read her a bedtime
story.From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up
to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek,
then his again.Finally she spoke up, ?Grandpa, did God make you???Yes,
sweetheart,? he answered, ?God made me a long time ago.??Oh,? she paused,
?grandpa, did God make me too???Yes, indeed, honey,? he said, ?God made you
just a little while ago.?Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,
?God?s getting better at it, isn?t he??

one day of freedom

In the 16th Century, an innocent Jew was thrown into prison by a feudal baron who gave him a life sentence. For some reason, this tyrannical baron decided to show the man a bit of mercy. He told him, “Look Jew, you’re my prisoner for life, there’s nothing that will change that. But this I will do for you: I will grant you one day out of every year, one day of freedom during which you can return to your family, to your community. You can practice your religion, do whatever you want. I don’t care which day you choose. But remember, you have only one day a year; you decide for yourself which day it will be.”

The man was conflicted. What day should he choose?

Should he choose Rosh Hashanah – to hear the sounding of Shofar? Yom Kippur – the holiest day of the year? Passover – to celebrate a Seder? His wedding anniversary?

This Jewish prisoner, not being able to make up his mind, wrote a letter to one of the rabbinic leaders of that generation, the Radbaz (Reb Dovid ben Abi Zimra), asking for his advice (3).

The Radbaz wrote him back an answer. He said, the day you should choose is the very first day available. Whatever it is, grab it now, don’t wait! Be it a holiday, a Shabbat, a Monday, a Wednesday, the soonest day you can get out, grab it.

This was a marvelous reply. More important, it holds true for us as well. We too, are often psychological prisoners to our bad habits. We feel it is too difficult to summon the will to do things right. “I’m not ready yet. I can’t change who I am.”

take off you big thick sheepskin coat

farmer goes to the big city for market day makes a nice profit passes a clothing store and decides to treat himself to a suit the salesman looks at him gives him a suit to try on and he goes into the changing room. The sales man hears angry grunts and scuffling coming from the room he opens the curtain and sees the way the poor man has one hand in and is caught and is trying to push the other hand in and the suit is ripping he yells at the salesman what did you give me this is not big enough for a child!!??

The salesman tells him first take off you big thick sheepskin coat before you try on my suits! He helps him take off the jacket and the sweaters and the suit fits!!

"Leave behind the negative deeds and the good will go on that much easier. The wicked shall give up his way, and the man of iniquity his thoughts, and he shall return to the Lord, Who shall have mercy upon him, and to our God, for He will freely pardon"

I no longer run a bar I run a grocery!

a moshul the mezritcher Maggid told dr. gaurdia a Baal Teshuva who was the personal doctor of the king of Prussia when asked regarding how to deal with the thoughts etc. of his old life.

A Jew named Moshe ran a tavern in a small town made a decent living but got sick of how the peasants would get drunk and vulgar they would become and tear the place apart so he decided to change his tavern into a grocery store but the peasants used to spending the nights at Moshke's place would show up banging on the door asking for a drink and he would yell you got the wrong place I no longer run a bar I run a grocery!!! This is what you have to do tell your thoughts I am no longer the man I once was you got the wrong address it just takes some time.