joke: meaning of life

On the first day, God created the dog and said: “Sit all day by the door of your house
and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span
of twenty years.”
The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll
give you back the other ten?”
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: “Entertain people, do tricks,
and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”
The monkey said: “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to
perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:”You must go into the field with the
farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support
the farmer’s family For this, I will give you a life span of sixty Years.”
The cow said: “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How
about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said: “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy
your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”
But man said: “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty
the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that
makes eighty, okay?”
“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For
the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years
we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we
sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Raising Cain

What is one of the first things Adam and Eve did after they were 
kicked out?
They raised a little Cain.

One day in the Garden of Eden

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have 
a problem!"
  "What's the problem, Eve?"
  "Lord, I know you created me and provided  this beautiful garden and
all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but 
I'm just not happy."
  "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
  "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
  "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution.  I shall create a man 
for you."
  "What's a man, Lord?"
  "This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie,
cheat, and be vain and glorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time.
But...he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things.
He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining,
I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. 
He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and 
kicking a ball about.  He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your 
advice to think properly."
  "Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"What's the catch, Lord?"
  "Well... you can have him on one condition."
  "What's that, Lord?"
  "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll 
have to let him believe that I made him first.  Just remember, it's our
little secret...You know, woman to woman." 

in the Garden of Eden, eating strawberries

  A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said, 
"Where would man be today if it were not for woman?"
She paused a moment and looked around the room. "I repeat, where 
would man be today if it were not for woman?"
  From the back of the room came a voice, "He'd be in the Garden 
of Eden, eating strawberries."

Matchmaker in the Sky

It is said that God is the greatest matchmaker in the world and his first
successful "shidduch" or match, Adam and Eve, were the best match in human
history.
In heaven, Adam and Eve ask the Almighty why this is so.
"Well," God replied, "Adam, you didn't have to hear about all of the men
Even could have married, and Eve, you didn't have to hear about how well
Adam's mother cooked."

God's Children

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit?
"Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit! " said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so! " God replied, wondering why He
hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was
ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" asked the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never
changed.