Mouse & the Trap

an anecdote about an old farmer living in his farm with his
animals. A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife
open a package.
What food might this contain? He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. "There is a
mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell
this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be
bothered by it."
The mouse turned to the sheep and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house."
The sheep sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is
nothing I can do about it but pray for you. Be assured you are in my prayers. But
honestly, I am little affected by it."
The mouse turned to the cow and pleaded for help. She said, "Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry
for you, but it's no skin off my nose."
So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's
mousetrap alone.
That very night a sound was heard throughout the house - like the sound of
mousetrap catching its prey.
The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it
was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.
The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she
returned home with a fever.
Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his
hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her
around the clock. To feed them, the farmer slaughtered the sheep.
The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral;
the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

Joke: borrow a hammer

A man is in court. The Judges says, "On the 3rd August you are accused of killing
your wife with a hammer, how do you plead?"
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!"
The Judge asked the man to sit down and to refrain from making any noise.
The Judge continued "and that also on the 17th September you are accused of
killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty
rotten stinking rat"!!
At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked

you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with
contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship do you
have to this man?"
He replied "He is my next door neighbor.”
The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from
any comments".
The man replied "NO, Your Honor, you don't understand.
Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't
have one"!

Sir Benjy takes a holiday

Benjy had done very well in business. He was a multi-millionaire and had
been knighted by the Queen for his endeavours. One day, after completing yet
another very successful business deal, he decided on the spur-of-the-moment
to take his wife Sadie to Israel. He asked his secretary Carol to make the
arrangements.
Carol rang the Tel Aviv Dan hotel and asked to speak to the manager.
“I am happy to inform you that Sir Benjy and his wife have chosen to stay at
the Dan next week. But as they are very wealthy and require total privacy,
they would need to book the entire hotel for their stay. Money is not a
problem. Can you set this up?”

The manager didn’t hesitate. “Yes, I can move all guests to a sister hotel.”

Carol then asked, “Is there a private beach?”
“Yes.”
“What colour is the sand?” asked Carol.
“Silver,” came the reply.
“Well that will be a problem as Sir Benjy always insists on golden sand.”
“OK. I can get round it,” said the manager. “There’s a quarry nearby and I
will arrange for golden sand to be laid on the beach.”
“And finally,” said Carol, “Sir Benjy prefers a blue sky without a cloud in
it. Is the weather going to be perfect next week?”
“No problem,” said the manager, “I will get the Israeli Air Force to seed
the clouds and so disperse them.”
The following week, there was Benjy and Sadie sunbathing on the wide expanse
of the private beach of the Dan hotel. Benjy looked all around him and said,
“Sadie, just look how beautiful everything is. We have privacy, there is not
a sound coming from the hotel, the sand is beautifully clean and golden and
the sky is so blue without a cloud in sight.  Sadie, with all of this, who
needs money?”

The "young" Wife JOKE

Abe is enjoying his 80th birthday party with family and friends. Even Rabbi
Landau is present. Abe is so happy that he decides now is the time to let
out his secret and to everybody’s surprise, announces his forthcoming
marriage to 50-year-old Hetty.
Everyone comes up to wish them Mazeltov - and to exchange all the old jokes
"Abe, where will you both live?"
"We’ll be looking for a house near a school.”
"Abe, did you know that lovemaking is dangerous for the elderly?"
"Yes, but I hope Hetty will survive it."
Later, Rabbi Landau takes Abe aside and says, "Don’t be offended, but I must
ask you a few questions. Do you really love Hetty?"
"To tell you the truth, Rabbi, I’m not sure," Abe replies.
"Well, is she a good cook? Is her chicken soup special?" asks Rabbi Landau.
"I’m not sure, I’ve never seen her in the kitchen, Rabbi," Abe replies.
"Is Hetty rich?" asks Rabbi Landau.
"I’m not sure about her finances, we’ve never discussed money," replies Abe.

"So, she must be ….. good in bed. Is that so?" asks Rabbi Landau, timidly.
"I’ve no idea at all Rabbi, how does one tell before marriage?" answers Abe.

"But if you don’t know whether you love her, if you’re not sure whether
she’s a good cook, if you don’t know whether she’s rich, and if you’ve never
made love to her, why on earth do you want to marry her?" asks Rabbi Landau.

"She can drive at night," replies Abe.

Truck Crash and the Boss - Joke

Bernie is talking a walk in Brooklyn one cold morning when he hears an
almighty crash behind him. He turns around and sees a "Brooklyn's Best
Kosher Wines" truck lying on its side, with broken bottles all around it and
wine running into the gutter. The driver doesn't seem to be injured, but is
nevertheless weeping openly. A crowd quickly gathers.
"What's the matter?" Bernie asks the driver, "Are you hurt?"
"No, I'm not hurt," replies the driver, "but my boss, Mr. Epstein, is going
to blame me for the loss of his wine and deduct it from my pay check."
On hearing this, a man suddenly steps forward and says to the crowd, "Oy
vay, did you hear what this poor hard working Jewish guy just said? He's
going to lose a lot of money because of this accident. We can't let this
happen. We have to help him."
At that, he takes off his hat, puts it on the ground next to the driver and
places a $20 bill in it. "Nu? What are you all waiting for?" he says to the
crowd. "Help this man out. It will be a mitzvah."
In no time, the hat is overflowing with money. The man then picks up the hat
and money, gives it to the driver and smiling, says, "Here, this will help
you. Go back to your office and give this to your boss." As the man walks
away, Bernie says to the driver, "Wow! I must tell The Jewish Newspapers
about this. What a mensh that man is - have you ever seen him before?"
"Of course," replies the driver. "That's my boss Mr. Epstein."

blind girl who hated herself - Story

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always
there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, will marry you.'
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The
sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that; the thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him
-ler boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying:
!Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'
This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.