Ellas Songs

 

i want to dies a jew

 Rabbi Chaim Slavititzky - matzah for a women - 

" i am the rude lady from the doc office a few months ago"

My father is in hospital only hours to live - only 48 hours to live

Your the only Rabbi I know

Rabbi Went to Hospital.

"im confused as why my dad is suddely interested in a Rabbi... we never did anything Jewish"

Ronnie ask both daughters to leave room - "Rabbi, I was born a jew... i want to dies a jew"

Rabbi - I will do a Jewish Burial... may says no I want to have bris.

Rabbi- says im not a mohel

Calls a Mohel before Rosh Hashanah (man only had 48 hours to live)

"Ronnie, I found a mohel"

Nurse - not happenig - what are you worried about, ill die?

Samantha (daugter) found out  - my dad lost it in his last days

Legal - Dept - if you find a doctor, a mohel

6 hours before rosh hashanah - Ronnie became Avrohom

Chaim stayed with him his final hours... squeezed him hand witht the waves of pain.

" I never suffere dfrom Jewish Guilt" i was happy for 8o years

BUt Doc came and said i had 48 hours to live....  something hit me...

I had everything I ever wanted.

The only t‌hing i did not have a relationship with is my soul.

I realized that nothing else i have will matter... house... money ... boat... it all evaporated.

Now I am ready to die...

But he lived through rosh hashanah (shofar)... sukkos (lulav) 

Buried as a Jew

Samantha gave her son a Bar Mitzvah

airbags in your new lexus work well.

 Sara calls her husband at work... im going into a board meeting.  I have good news and bad news... the airbags in your new lexus work well.

oy, i wish i had your will power

 Womans is leaving her muli-million estage in beverly hills...

Poor man 'Please i have not eaten in 3 days"

Woman - oy, i wish i had your will power

When does life begin?

 When does life begin?

Preist say conseption , Minister says birth, Rabbi, when kids graducate college and mortgage is paid...

Better one of them should die, than one of us...

 "I can't believe it, Harold. All your life you were a good Jew! And now, in the last

few months of your life, you've converted?"

"Well," he says, "I figured it out... You

know how many gentiles there are in the world? You know how many Jews there

are in the world? Better one of them should die, than one of us..."

That's what you call a Yiddishe kop

you really should now be thinking more of the hereafter.”

 Rabbi Herzl was visiting Mrs Gold, an elderly member of his

congregation. Rabbi Herzl said, “You know, my dear Mrs Gold, that you

are getting on in years and although I pray to the almighty that he will

grant you many more years in good health, you really should now be

thinking more of the hereafter.”

Mrs Gold replied, “Thank you, Rabbi, but I am always thinking about

the hereafter.”

Rabbi Herzl was rather surprised with this response. “Really?” he said.

“Oh yes, Rabbi, every time I go upstairs, I say to myself, ‘what am I

here after?’ and every time I go into my kitchen, I say to myself, ‘what

am I here after?’ I do it all the time now.”