On Erev Shabbat Reb Zusya noticed that his wife was very thoughtful and subdued. "Why aren't you more cheerful?" he asked in amazement, "You already have your new dress. Be happy!" She told him that when she came to the tailor to pick up her new dress, she noticed that he was very sad. When she inquired about his sadness, he told her that his daughter became a kallah not long ago. Recently, the chatan visited his home and noticed that he was sewing a new dress. The chatan was under the impression that the dress was for his kallah and was quite pleased. However, when he found out that it was not for her, he became extremely despondent. "Now I am afraid that because of his disappointment, the engagement will be cancelled, and my daughter will not get married," the tailor said.
"The tailor's dilemma moved me so," concluded Reb Zusya's wife, "that I told him to keep this dress as a present for his daughter, and thus I am where I began. I still do not have a new dress."
After hearing his wife's story, Reb Zusya asked her: "Did you at least pay the tailor for his work?"
In amazement, his wife replied: "I do not understand you. Did you expect me to pay him, when I already gave him the dress to keep?"
Reb Zusya said to her: "This is no excuse. The poor tailor worked an entire week to sew a dress for you, expecting to receive money to buy food for Shabbat. If you want to do a mitzvah and give your dress to his daughter, that's your business, but he deserves to be paid for his work."
She immediately ran to the tailor and paid him.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Im Meshugah - Joke
Jacob Was a tad Meshugener and went to a mental hospital... he demanded kosher food... hospital went through great ordeal to give it....
Several weeks later, on a Saturday, the director noticed Greenberg deeply absorbed in a high stakes poker game, smoking a big, fat cigar, eating Lobster.
"Excuse me, Mr. Greenberg," the director said, someone testily. "but I thought you were such a religious man that we had to prepare only kosher food for you, and how I see you smoking and gambling on your Sabbath, eating non-kosher? How do you account for this?" "You forget, doc… I'm mishugah!"
Several weeks later, on a Saturday, the director noticed Greenberg deeply absorbed in a high stakes poker game, smoking a big, fat cigar, eating Lobster.
"Excuse me, Mr. Greenberg," the director said, someone testily. "but I thought you were such a religious man that we had to prepare only kosher food for you, and how I see you smoking and gambling on your Sabbath, eating non-kosher? How do you account for this?" "You forget, doc… I'm mishugah!"
When Jews Dont get it.... Joke
When Jews dont get it....
Rich Jew gives starving man a smelly peice of rotten fish.
Poor Jew gets sick and dies after eating it. Rich Jew becomes over Joyed...
...To which the wealthy miser replied: "How could I not be overjoyed when I think of how many tremendous mitzvos I performed with merely one small stinky piece of fish!
"Think about it. With one decayed slice of fish, I achieved four of the most extraordinary mitzvos: hospitality to the poor, visiting the sick, escorting the dead and comforting the mourning. Ah! How happy I feel."
Rich Jew gives starving man a smelly peice of rotten fish.
Poor Jew gets sick and dies after eating it. Rich Jew becomes over Joyed...
...To which the wealthy miser replied: "How could I not be overjoyed when I think of how many tremendous mitzvos I performed with merely one small stinky piece of fish!
"Think about it. With one decayed slice of fish, I achieved four of the most extraordinary mitzvos: hospitality to the poor, visiting the sick, escorting the dead and comforting the mourning. Ah! How happy I feel."
A Life for a Life - Story
A Life for a Life
Yoni, an Israeli Defense Force soldier stationed in Hebron, was shot by an Arab terrorist. It happened very early in the morning, and no one else was awake to hear it. Yoni passed out and was bleeding steadily, his life heading toward a silent end.
But another soldier stationed nearby heard the shot and went to investigate. He found a fellow Israeli soldier bleeding to death. He tried the best he could to stop the bleeding and called for help. Waiting for help to arrive, he kept applying pressure to the wound--literally holding Yoni's life in his hands.
Yoni was taken to a hospital in Be'er Sheva where he underwent surgery. Yoni's parents were notified and they rushed to the hospital. Imagine the fear of the parents who were only told "your son has been injured and is in the hospital." When they arrived the doctor told them that Yoni was shot but will be alright. However, had it not been for the immediate actions of the other soldier, their son Yoni would have bled to death.
It was a miracle that the other soldier heard what no one else heard, and managed to locate Yoni as quickly as he did. The parents wanted to thank that soldier, but he had just left the hospital after hearing that the soldier he helped would survive.
While recuperating at home, Yoni and his parents called the army to find out the name of the other soldier so they could thank him personally. Unfortunately, that soldier's name was not recorded and although they tried to ask around they simply couldn't track down who that other soldier was.
Yoni's mother knew that the important thing of course is that Yoni is well, yet she could not help feeling that as long as she couldn't meet and thank the solider who bravely saved her son's life--the entire frightening episode would not be fully over. Not being able to thank the soldier continued to give her an empty feeling…but then she had an idea.
The couple owned a grocery store in Kiryat Malachi (a town near Ashdod), so they decided to put up a sign in the store, describing what happened, figuring that Israel is a small country and eventually they might found out who the mystery soldier was.
Months passed with no response. Finally, one morning about a year later, a woman customer noticed the sign hanging by the door of the store. She recalled how happy her son Yair was when he came home one Friday night and told them how he heard a shot and was able to save another soldier's life in Hebron. She went back and told the owner of the store. The story matched. The two women now decided to try to reach their sons on cell phones and see if they could meet at the store. Fortunately it turned out that both the young men and even the fathers were able to all meet that afternoon at the store.
The families soon gathered for an emotional "rendezvous". The soldiers recounted army experiences and finally after all this time Yoni's mother could stand up and thank Yair for saving her son's life or as she put it, "You saved my world". She looked forward to feeling "completion" after all this time by thanking the soldier, but little did she know that the story was hardly complete.
After the tearful thank you, Yair's mother quietly pulled her aside and asked to speak with her outside. The two women went out alone. And she asked Yoni's mother: "Look at me-- don't you remember me?"
"No, I'm sorry did we meet before?"
"Yes," Yair's mother replied. "You see there is a particular reason I came into your store today. I used to live here, and this time although I was just passing by, I wanted to give you my business, even though I was only buying a few things."
"What are you talking about?" Yoni's mother asked.
The other woman answered, "Twenty years ago I used to live around here and came all the time to buy milk and bread. One day you noticed that I looked really down and you were very nice and asked me why I seemed so down and I confided in you. I told you that I was going through a very difficult time and on top of that I was pregnant and planning on having an abortion. As soon as I said "abortion" you called your husband over and the two of you seemed to forget about your own store and business, and just sat down and patiently listened to me. I still remember clearly what you said.
"You told me that it is true that I was going through a hard time but sometimes the good things in life come through difficulty, and the best things come through the biggest difficulties. You spoke of the joy of being a mother and that the most beautiful word to hear in the Hebrew language is "Ima" (mother) when spoken by one's child. You both spoke and spoke until I was convinced that I actually should have this baby--so you see G-d paid you back!"
"What do you mean?" asked Yoni's mother. The answer astounded and thrilled her.
"I had a boy twenty years ago that you saved by telling me to think twice before doing the abortion." With happy tears she declared, "My beloved Yair wouldn't have been alive if not for you. He was the one you were looking for. He was the one who grew up to save your son Yoni's life!"
Note: This incredible story is true. The actual names are on file.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Adapted by Yerachmiel Tilles from friendsofefrat.org, the website of a wonderful organization, EFRAT, that dedicatedly (and non-violently!) works to prevent abortions by Jewish mothers in Israel, through counseling and financial incentives.
Connection: Seasonal (Memorial/Independence Days)
Yoni, an Israeli Defense Force soldier stationed in Hebron, was shot by an Arab terrorist. It happened very early in the morning, and no one else was awake to hear it. Yoni passed out and was bleeding steadily, his life heading toward a silent end.
But another soldier stationed nearby heard the shot and went to investigate. He found a fellow Israeli soldier bleeding to death. He tried the best he could to stop the bleeding and called for help. Waiting for help to arrive, he kept applying pressure to the wound--literally holding Yoni's life in his hands.
Yoni was taken to a hospital in Be'er Sheva where he underwent surgery. Yoni's parents were notified and they rushed to the hospital. Imagine the fear of the parents who were only told "your son has been injured and is in the hospital." When they arrived the doctor told them that Yoni was shot but will be alright. However, had it not been for the immediate actions of the other soldier, their son Yoni would have bled to death.
It was a miracle that the other soldier heard what no one else heard, and managed to locate Yoni as quickly as he did. The parents wanted to thank that soldier, but he had just left the hospital after hearing that the soldier he helped would survive.
While recuperating at home, Yoni and his parents called the army to find out the name of the other soldier so they could thank him personally. Unfortunately, that soldier's name was not recorded and although they tried to ask around they simply couldn't track down who that other soldier was.
Yoni's mother knew that the important thing of course is that Yoni is well, yet she could not help feeling that as long as she couldn't meet and thank the solider who bravely saved her son's life--the entire frightening episode would not be fully over. Not being able to thank the soldier continued to give her an empty feeling…but then she had an idea.
The couple owned a grocery store in Kiryat Malachi (a town near Ashdod), so they decided to put up a sign in the store, describing what happened, figuring that Israel is a small country and eventually they might found out who the mystery soldier was.
Months passed with no response. Finally, one morning about a year later, a woman customer noticed the sign hanging by the door of the store. She recalled how happy her son Yair was when he came home one Friday night and told them how he heard a shot and was able to save another soldier's life in Hebron. She went back and told the owner of the store. The story matched. The two women now decided to try to reach their sons on cell phones and see if they could meet at the store. Fortunately it turned out that both the young men and even the fathers were able to all meet that afternoon at the store.
The families soon gathered for an emotional "rendezvous". The soldiers recounted army experiences and finally after all this time Yoni's mother could stand up and thank Yair for saving her son's life or as she put it, "You saved my world". She looked forward to feeling "completion" after all this time by thanking the soldier, but little did she know that the story was hardly complete.
After the tearful thank you, Yair's mother quietly pulled her aside and asked to speak with her outside. The two women went out alone. And she asked Yoni's mother: "Look at me-- don't you remember me?"
"No, I'm sorry did we meet before?"
"Yes," Yair's mother replied. "You see there is a particular reason I came into your store today. I used to live here, and this time although I was just passing by, I wanted to give you my business, even though I was only buying a few things."
"What are you talking about?" Yoni's mother asked.
The other woman answered, "Twenty years ago I used to live around here and came all the time to buy milk and bread. One day you noticed that I looked really down and you were very nice and asked me why I seemed so down and I confided in you. I told you that I was going through a very difficult time and on top of that I was pregnant and planning on having an abortion. As soon as I said "abortion" you called your husband over and the two of you seemed to forget about your own store and business, and just sat down and patiently listened to me. I still remember clearly what you said.
"You told me that it is true that I was going through a hard time but sometimes the good things in life come through difficulty, and the best things come through the biggest difficulties. You spoke of the joy of being a mother and that the most beautiful word to hear in the Hebrew language is "Ima" (mother) when spoken by one's child. You both spoke and spoke until I was convinced that I actually should have this baby--so you see G-d paid you back!"
"What do you mean?" asked Yoni's mother. The answer astounded and thrilled her.
"I had a boy twenty years ago that you saved by telling me to think twice before doing the abortion." With happy tears she declared, "My beloved Yair wouldn't have been alive if not for you. He was the one you were looking for. He was the one who grew up to save your son Yoni's life!"
Note: This incredible story is true. The actual names are on file.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Adapted by Yerachmiel Tilles from friendsofefrat.org, the website of a wonderful organization, EFRAT, that dedicatedly (and non-violently!) works to prevent abortions by Jewish mothers in Israel, through counseling and financial incentives.
Connection: Seasonal (Memorial/Independence Days)
A Jew for a Quater - Story
Several years ago, a rabbi from out-of-state accepted a call to a community inHouston , Texas . Some weeks after he arrived, he had an occasion to ride the bus from his home to the downtown area. When he sat down, he discovered that the driver had accidentally given him a quarter too much change.
As he considered what to do, he thought to himself, 'You'd better give the quarter back. It would be wrong to keep it'. Then he thought, 'Oh, forget it, it's only a quarter. Who would worry about this little amount? Anyway, the bus company gets too much fare; they will never miss it. Accept it as a 'gift from G-d' and keep quiet'.
When his stop came, he paused momentarily at the door, and then he handed the quarter to the driver and said, 'Here, you gave me too much change'. The driver, with a smile, replied, 'Aren't you the new rabbi in town?' 'Yes' he replied. 'Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about going somewhere to worship. I just wanted to see what you would do if I gave you too much change. I'll see you in Shul on Shabbos'.
When the rabbi stepped off of the bus, he literally grabbed the nearest light pole, held on, and said, 'Oh Rebonoh Shel Olam (creator of the world), I almost sold a Yid for a quarter.'
Our lives are the only thing some people will ever read. This is a really scary example of how much people watch us as JEWS, and will put us to the test! Always be on guard -- and remember -- You carry the name of Hashem on your shoulders when you call yourself a 'JEW'.
As he considered what to do, he thought to himself, 'You'd better give the quarter back. It would be wrong to keep it'. Then he thought, 'Oh, forget it, it's only a quarter. Who would worry about this little amount? Anyway, the bus company gets too much fare; they will never miss it. Accept it as a 'gift from G-d' and keep quiet'.
When his stop came, he paused momentarily at the door, and then he handed the quarter to the driver and said, 'Here, you gave me too much change'. The driver, with a smile, replied, 'Aren't you the new rabbi in town?' 'Yes' he replied. 'Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about going somewhere to worship. I just wanted to see what you would do if I gave you too much change. I'll see you in Shul on Shabbos'.
When the rabbi stepped off of the bus, he literally grabbed the nearest light pole, held on, and said, 'Oh Rebonoh Shel Olam (creator of the world), I almost sold a Yid for a quarter.'
Our lives are the only thing some people will ever read. This is a really scary example of how much people watch us as JEWS, and will put us to the test! Always be on guard -- and remember -- You carry the name of Hashem on your shoulders when you call yourself a 'JEW'.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Two Irish hunters & A Polot - Joke
Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.They managed to bag six. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads objected strongly. ‘Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours.’ Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn’t handle the load and went down. Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Paddy and Mick survived the crash. After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, ‘Any idea where we are?’ Mick replied, ‘I think we’re pretty close to where we crashed last year.’
THE PLANE CRASHE - JOKE
SARA AND ABE ARE SIGHTSEEING IN HAWAII BY AIRPLANE.THEY ARE OUT OVER THE OCEAN TO LOOK FOR WHALES BUT THEN THE ENGI NE STOPSTHE PILOT DESPERATELY TRIES TO LAND THEM SAFELY ON A DESERTED ROCKY PIECE OF LAND OUT IN THE OCEAN.IT DOES NOT WORK. THE PLANE CRASHES. THE PILOT IS KILLED.ABE TURNS TO HIS WIFE AND SAYS. SARA, THE RADIO IS DEAD. NO ONE KNOWS WHERE WE ARE. WE WILL DIE OF STARVATION.DON'T WORRY SARA SAYS THEY WILL FIND US!ABE RESPONDS: WHY ARE YOU SO CERTAIN?SARA SAYS: WE DID NOT PAY OUR DUES TO THE TEMPLE BEFORE WE LEFT.DON’T WORRY THEY WILL FIND US
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
kosher - joke
G-d: And remember Moses, in the laws of keeping Kosher, never cook a calf in its mother's milk. It is cruel.
Moses: Ohhhhhh! So you are saying we should never eat milk and meat together.
G-d: No, what I'm saying is, never cook a calf in its mother's milk.
Moses: Oh, Lord forgive my ignorance! What you are really saying is we should wait six hours after eating meat to eat milk so the two are not in our stomachs.
G-d: No, Moses, what I'm saying is, never cook a calf in it's mother's milk!!!
Moses: Oh, Lord! Please don't strike me down for my stupidity! What you mean is we should have a separate set of dishes for milk and a separate set for meat and if we make a mistake we have to bury that dish outside...
G-d: Moses, do whatever you want....
Moses: Ohhhhhh! So you are saying we should never eat milk and meat together.
G-d: No, what I'm saying is, never cook a calf in its mother's milk.
Moses: Oh, Lord forgive my ignorance! What you are really saying is we should wait six hours after eating meat to eat milk so the two are not in our stomachs.
G-d: No, Moses, what I'm saying is, never cook a calf in it's mother's milk!!!
Moses: Oh, Lord! Please don't strike me down for my stupidity! What you mean is we should have a separate set of dishes for milk and a separate set for meat and if we make a mistake we have to bury that dish outside...
G-d: Moses, do whatever you want....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)