you really should now be thinking more of the hereafter.”

 Rabbi Herzl was visiting Mrs Gold, an elderly member of his

congregation. Rabbi Herzl said, “You know, my dear Mrs Gold, that you

are getting on in years and although I pray to the almighty that he will

grant you many more years in good health, you really should now be

thinking more of the hereafter.”

Mrs Gold replied, “Thank you, Rabbi, but I am always thinking about

the hereafter.”

Rabbi Herzl was rather surprised with this response. “Really?” he said.

“Oh yes, Rabbi, every time I go upstairs, I say to myself, ‘what am I

here after?’ and every time I go into my kitchen, I say to myself, ‘what

am I here after?’ I do it all the time now.”

JK: no Jews in hell

A Jewish bubbie was sipping tea in a restaurant when she overheard three antisemites talking.
‘Let’s go on vacation,’ said one.
‘Where shall we go,’ said the other.
‘To Jerusalem.’
‘No, there are too many Jews in Jerusalem.’
‘To New York?’
‘No, there are too many Jews in New York.’
‘To Florida.’
‘No, there are way too many Jews in Florida.’
The Bubbie leaned over and asked, “Vhy don’t you go to hell, there are no Jews in hell!”

Story: Flowers for mom

A man stopped at a flower shop to order some flowers to be wired to his mother
who lived two hundred miles away.
As he got out of his car he noticed a young girl sitting on the curb sobbing.
He asked her what was wrong and she replied, "I wanted to buy a red rose for my
mother.
But I only have seventy-five cents, and a rose costs two dollars."
The man smiled and said, "Come on in with me. I'll buy you a rose."
He bought the little girl her rose and ordered his own mother's flowers.

As they were leaving he offered the girl a ride home.
She said, "Yes, please! You can take me to my mother."
She directed him to a cemetery, where she placed the rose on a freshly dug grave.
The man returned to the flower shop, canceled the wire order, picked up a bouquet
and drove the two hundred miles to his mother's house.

Joke: a dead seagull

A woman went to the beach with her children. Her four-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand.

"Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked.

"He died and went to heaven," she replied.

The child thought for a moment and said, "And God threw him back down?"

The Air Up There

Sadie has died and today is her funeral. Her husband Nathan and many of
their family and friends are standing round the grave as Sadie's coffin is
lowered into the ground. Then, as is the custom, many of the mourners pick
up some shovels and help to fill the open grave with earth.
But on their way back to the prayer hall, the sky suddenly darkens, rain
starts to fall, flashes of lightening fill the sky and loud thunder rings
out.
Nathan turns to his rabbi and says, "Well rabbi, she's arrived alright."

Joke - Sure is hot down here!

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.




The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.



Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.



The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:



To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date: 16 May 2003

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!

Kingdom of Heavan - joke

Harry is strolling down Main St. when he suddenly finds himself in the
middle of a ferocious summer storm. Quickly he ducks into the nearest
doorway, enters the building and settles himself down in the back of
an auditorium when he realizes that he just took refuge in a cathedral
in the middle of a service! Suddenly the minister calls out to all the
assembled: ?all those who want to enter the kingdom of heaven, rise?!
Half the assembled quickly rise. ?ALL WHO WISH TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF
HEAVEN, RISE?!! The other half quickly stand up- but old Harry bleibt
zitzen. ?Sir?! Calls out the minister, ?don?t you want to enter the
heavenly kingdom??
?Sure? says Harry wearily, ?but what?s the rush??