What kind of Jews do you have?

  

So, the next time Schlamazal or Schlemiel calls and asks “What kind of Jews live in ventnor , I have my answer all ready. Here it is:

We are wise Jews. Wicked Jews. We’re those I’ll be your 10^th man if you need me Jews. Those G-d is real, but I am not sure what he wants from me Jews. We’re those always questioning Jews. Those thinking Jews and let me tell you something Jews. Those old Jews. New Jews. If you need a place for Shabbos you can stay with me Jews.

Those always trying to make your life just a little better Jews. We’re those twice a year you’ll find me in shul, but I am Jewish all year long Jews. Those I would rather not, but since you asked me, OK I will wrap tefillin Jews. Those I am little scared to admit it but yes, I am a Jew, Jews. Those I just started keeping Shabbos in my college dorm and why didn’t anyone tell me about this before Jews.

We’re those I’m an Israeli so don’t tell me what to do Jews. Those yes, I am Haredi but not like the ones in the movies Jews. Those English, Turkish, Yemenite and Moroccan Jews. Those Ashkenazi blonde-and-blue-eyed but no I’m not a shiksa Jews. Those recently converted and totally loving it Jews. We are 7^th generation Charleston Jews. Soviet era born and desperately trying to catch up Jews. Not yet but working on being more shabbat conscious Jews.

Those I’m not religious but so proud of being Jewish Jews. Those we don’t know why we’re still being persecuted Jews. And I am a little afraid so I’m trying not to be too Jewish Jews. And those whenever we’re murdered you probably think we had it coming Jews. But still, not afraid to wear my Star of David Am Israel Chai Jews.

We’re those you don’t want to hear this, but I don’t care what you think Jews. Those bullied in high school because I was rocking a yarmulke Jews. Those standing up to Jew hater Jews. Those I think you got it all wrong, but I respect and love you cause you’re my brother Jews.

We’re those Iron Dome cheering where were you BBC when the missiles were raining down on Tel Aviv Jews. Those if you’re a hater you can just get off my Facebook page Jews. Those we’re sick of your double standards and that UN stands for Useless Nations to me Jews. That will fight it out if you have a problem with me Jews. And we desperately want to just live side by side in peace with you Jews.

We’re those always needing to explain that chosen doesn’t mean better Jews. Those let’s figure it out together Jew. Those there’s never, ever just one answer Jews. Those I don’t know which way to hold a siddur but I just like being in shul with other Jews, Jews. Those psychoanalytical and let me tell you something about you and your mother Jew.

We’re those look how many Nobel Prizes we won Jews. Those OMG OMG did you know that Houdini, Pink, Wonder Woman, Scarlett Johansson, Drake, Harry Potter, Indiana Jones, Jonas Salk (the polio vaccine guy) were Jewish, Jews. Those and did you know that we invented stuff that’s part of your everyday life but you don’t even know it Jews. Those I was born in the USA but my daughter wants to fly jet F-16’s for IDF. Those I don’t know the difference between Bibi and Bamba but I believe in my people to do what is right Jews.

We’re those lox and bagel noshing falafel & hummus eating couscous, schnitzel, latkes & matzah ball soup scarfing Jew. We’re those hey you BDS Israel’s the only liberal democracy in the Middle East Jew. We’re those I became a refugee when my ancestors were kicked out of Arab lands Jew.

We’re those I’m totally not religious but rush home every Thursday night to study Talmud on Zoom Jews. Those taking my tuna on matzah lunch wrapped in tin foil to public school on Passover Jews. Those I may not always eat kosher, but I won’t touch bacon Jews. Those looking for the truth forever wandering Jew. Those I just want my child married under a chuppah and give me Jewish grandchildren Jews. Those I walked out of Auschwitz and was afraid for too long until I stood at the state house and lit the menorah Jews.

We’re those I’ll bet I am more religious that you Jews. And those I’ll bet you are, but I love you anyway Jews. Those with a picture at the wall of a chossid and a soldier in arms at the wall Jews. My son’s an IDF hero Jews. Those you may kill me, but you won’t kill my dream Jews. Those I’ve never been to Israel, but I’ll get there someday because it’s my homeland Jews. Those it’s almost 4000 years and we’re still standing Jews. Those we’re finally here standing at the western wall with a tear in my eye Jews.

We’re those I won’t apologize for surviving Jews. Those fighting to make USC understand that scheduling major programs on YK isn’t cool Jews. Those never ever again Jews. Those I won’t rest until every Jewish child in Columbia has an excellent Jewish education Jews.

We’re a mother of 6 and still wish there were more of us Jews. Those creative Jew. Those dancer Jews. Painter Jews. Those grandchildren of those who suffered so we would just make it Jews. Those but I wish they would have taught me Yiddish Jews.

We’re those everything’s part of Hashem’s plan and I’ll keep looking for the answer Jews. Those we’re going to be okay because Moshiach is coming so hang in there and do another mitzvah Jews. Those I believe human dignity will prevail, and the world is made up of decent people Jews.

So to Shlomie and Schlemazal and to all the other who want to label us I say, we’re not religious, we’re not orthodox, we’re not cultural, spiritual, or secular Jews. We’re not centrist Orthodox or Modern Orthodox, Open Orthodox, Closed Orthodox, or even slightly ajar Orthodox. We are not nondenominational,” “trans denominational,” “post-denominational” we are just authentic, Jews. And we are here today because we’re Jews, no more no less. That’s all, and that’s enough.

Story: Cossack Horse

There was a famous Chassidic Jew from Russia called R Mendel Futerfas, a man
who spent ten years of his life in a Russian gulag for teaching Judaism.
One of the prisoners in Rav Mendel's camp was an old Cossack imprisoned because
of his loyalty to the Czar. He reminisced with Reb Mednel about the Cossack horse.
You see, the Cossack horse was different than all other horses, incomparably
different! A Cossack’s horse had a different heart.
Not only would it do anything for its master; jump into fire, over trees and even
houses. Anything. And it was stronger, faster, and braver than anything alive. But
most of all, it had a different heart.
I will explain," continued the Cossack, “How did they catch a Cossack horse? Do you
know? Well I will tell you, this is a story!"
"The Cossacks were experts at this. There was a special group that would wander
the mountains and fields on horseback looking for herds of wild horses.
Then, if they were lucky and found a large herd, say of a thousand, two thousand
horses. They would stampede them and get them all running in the direction of the

nearest river. Then they would start screaming and shooting their guns in the air
and force the herd into the widest, deepest part of the river. You see, most horses
can swim, and so they had to get over, through the current to the other side, or die.
Now, on the other side was waiting another group of Cossacks. The whole thing,
was planned from the beginning, and they would watch to see what the horses did.
There were always two types of horses; some horses would make it to the other
side and run away to live their lives. Then there were the young horses, that didn't
have the strength to cross over, so they just floundered in the middle of the river."
His voice became serious, and he sat a "But sometimes... Not always, but sometimes,
there was a third type; maybe only one or two at the most, that were sort of crazy
horses.
They would make it across, but instead of running away, they would turn around,
look back into the river to see if there were horses in trouble and then jump BACK
in to save them."
"They would swim to the young horses, grab them with their teeth and start
dragging them in. They just couldn't stand to see their fellow horses in danger.
The Cossacks would throw some paint on these special horses and chase them for
days until they caught them. Then it would take several months of hard work until
they trained them. But the main thing was the heart; it was a horse with a heart.

Mouse & the Trap

an anecdote about an old farmer living in his farm with his
animals. A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife
open a package.
What food might this contain? He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. "There is a
mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell
this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be
bothered by it."
The mouse turned to the sheep and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house."
The sheep sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is
nothing I can do about it but pray for you. Be assured you are in my prayers. But
honestly, I am little affected by it."
The mouse turned to the cow and pleaded for help. She said, "Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry
for you, but it's no skin off my nose."
So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's
mousetrap alone.
That very night a sound was heard throughout the house - like the sound of
mousetrap catching its prey.
The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it
was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.
The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she
returned home with a fever.
Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his
hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her
around the clock. To feed them, the farmer slaughtered the sheep.
The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral;
the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

Story: The Taxis & the Minyan

I want to share with you a most amusing and heartwarming story:

A man living in Jerusalem was saying kaddish for a parent who died. Each day he would say kaddish at the daily services in the synagogue. It was his way of connecting to the soul of his loved one. Returning home one night at 3:00am from a wedding, he fell into bed exhausted. As soon as he had turned out the light, he realized that he hadn’t prayed Ma’ariv, the evening prayer. He missed the kaddish for his beloved mother. With tremendous effort, he dragged himself out of bed and started to dress.

Where to find a minyan at this time of the morning? 3 AM?

No problem. As anyone who lives in Jerusalem can tell you, day or night, you can always find a minyan at the shteibelach—the small synagogues in the Zichron Moshe neighborhood.

That night there was a miracle. Zichron Moshe was totally deserted; no one was there; nary a hobo, nada.

Taking out his cellular phone, he dialed the number of a large taxi company.

“Hello! Can you please send six taxis to the shteibelach in Zichron Moshe?”

“Adoni (my dear sir)! It’s three o’clock in the morning! You think I have six taxis? What do you think I am, a magician? …I only have five.”

“Okay. So send five!”

He dialed another number. “Hello, please send five taxis to Zichron Moshe…”

“Your crazy? Atah meshugah. I only have four!

“okay so send four.”

Within twenty minutes, there was a procession of nine taxicabs parked neatly outside the shteiblach.

“Adoni,” said one of the drivers, “Why do you need nine taxis? There’s no wedding here, no Bar Mitzvah, nothing.”

“I want you all to turn your meters on and come inside with me. We are going to pray together the evening prayer — arvit ”

“I will pay each of you just as if your giving me a lift. For every minute you are here, I will pay you.”

Dusty yarmulkes (skullcaps) emerged from the glove compartments of the taxis, some woken from a hibernation that stretched back to their owner’s own bar mitzvah.

It wasn’t easy. Despite being obviously fluent in Hebrew, the drivers had no idea how to pray: what and when to answer; when they should pray aloud and when in silence.

It took them quite a while. But the kaddish man, showd them exactly what do do. They had the most incredible, moving prayer at 3:30 AM in Jerusalem, and he said kaddish after his mother.

When they had finished, everyone went out to the taxis; the meters in the cars were pushing upwards of 90 shekels each car. The drivers turned off their meters and the man pulled out his wallet. He would dash out around 800 shekel to all the drivers to pay them for their time.

“How much do I owe you?” he said to the first taxi driver in the line.

“Adoni, what do you take me for? Do you honestly believe I would take money from you who just gave me such an opportunity to help my fellow Jew say kaddish?

He moved down the line to the second driver. Identical reaction. “Do you know how long it is since I prayed?” you want me to take money from you?

And the third and the fourth, all the way down the line to the ninth…

Not one would take a penny.

They embraced and they drove off to a new morning in the holy city of Jerusalem!

CHANUKAH STAMPS

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards. She says to the clerk "May I have 50 Chanukah stamps please."

"What denomination?" says the clerk.

The woman says "Oy vey...my god, has it come to this?

Okay, give me 6 orthodox, 12 conservative and 32 reform!"

Well, friends, I am proud that in our shul we have Jews of every denomination and background. What matters in our sanctuary is not labels, but souls.

Ronal Reagan and his estranged daugter patti

here is a sad amd moving story of Ronal Regan and his estranged daugter patti. 

Reagan in his old age and in the beginning stages of Alzheimer illness writes a letter pleading with his daugter to talk to him and in the end she refuses and sell the letter to a collector... "my friends it does not need to end like this..."

(see attached image) Reagan, Ronald (1911-2004) 40th President of the United States, 1981-1989. Autograph Note Signed ("Dad"), on card engraved "Ronald Reagan," with embossed presidential seal (Los Angeles), March 2, 1991, 4¼ x 6 3/8 in. A poignant note to his daughter Patti (Davis), attempting to heal the family rift. In full: "Dear Patti / It was good to hear from you. As the song goes - 'the days dwindle down to a precious few.' In view of my recent birthday I find the song appropriate. Patti I think a talk between us is the answer to some of our differences. There are extremists on both sides of every issue. Reasonable people should look into both sides and see if every charge or countercharge is justified by the facts. Even if there are differences does this justify a family separation? We can disagree on things without abandoning our family relationship. I remember a little girl who sat on my lap and asked me to marry her. Love - Dad." The President had just turned 80 on February 6th and realized that his days were numbered, even before he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease in 1994. Patti was the first of Ronald and Nancy's two children and she aired her differences with her parents publicly. Patti sold this letter a couple of days after her father sent it to her, with the proviso that it not be resold until after her father's death. It was sold again, privately, with the same proviso, on March 27, 1991, and has not been offered for sale again until now. A Liz Smith column in August 1992, here included, refers to the letter, calling Patti "the perpetually estranged daughter of Ronald and Nancy Reagan." Patti admitted to Liz that she had sold the letter because she needed money but denied that it had any special sensitivity, and said that she was trying to buy it back. Patti recalled that it had been written during the time she was protesting her father's administration's policy regarding the killing of dolphins, but in March 1991, when her father wrote the note, he had not been President for two years. Patti made her peace, at least with her mother, at some point, because she was obviously a great comfort to Nancy during her father's funeral. This is a beautiful, loving note from the late President, reaching out to his estranged daughter. It is accompanied by the transmittal envelope, addressed by Ronald Reagan, with a stamped free frank. The paperwork from the letter's March 27, 1991 sale is also enclosed. Estimated Value $10,000 - 15,000.

four sons who never stopped quarrelling

A man once had four sons who never stopped quarrelling with one another. He was always telling them how much easier life would be if they worked together but they took absolutely no notice of him. One day he decided to show them what he meant. He called the sons together and put a tightly tied bundle of sticks on the floor in front of them. "Can you break that?" he asked the youngest son. The boy put his knee on the bundle but though he pressed and pulled with his arms he could not bend the wood. The father asked each son in turn to try to break the bundle, but none of them could do it. Then he untied the string and scattered the sticks. "Now try," he said. The boys broke the sticks easily in the hands. "Do you see what I mean?" asked the father. "If only you stand together no one can hurt you. If you all disagree the whole time and insist on going your separate ways, the first enemy you meet will be able to destroy you."

THE FABLE OF THE PORCUPINE...

THE FABLE OF THE PORCUPINE...

 It was the coldest winter ever...

 Many animals died because of the cold.

 The poor little porcupines, realizing the dire situation they were
in,decided to group together, this way, they covered themselves; but,
the quills of each one wounded their closest companions even though
they
 gave off heat that would save to each other.

 After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from another
and soon they began to die...alone ...and frozen.

 Even though they are little animals, they had to make a life or death
choice... either accept the quills of their companions or disappear
from the earth!

 Wisely, they decided to go back to being together; this way they
learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by the close
relationship with their companions, but the most important part of it
was that the heat that came from the others allowed all to survive.t

 Therefore, the best relationship is not the one that brings together
perfect people, but the best is when each individual learns to live
with imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good
qualities.

 The moral of this story:
LEARN TO LOVE THE PRICKS IN YOUR LIFE!!!

The Wave

*Metaphor*
A wave is riding along the ocean having a grand time. As it draws near shore
he notices the waves ahead of him crashing against the shore. My G-d, he
breathes, this is terrible. Look what’s going to happen to me. Along comes
another wave and asks, why are you so sad? You don’t understand, says the
first wave, all of us waves are going to be nothing. Isn’t it terrible? No.
You don’t understand, replies the first wave. You are not a wave. You are
part of an ocean.