JK: Yankel sadly loved the hard drink

Yankel sadly loved the hard drink, he was homeless, drunk most of the times, and wandered the
streets.
One day there was a hurricane and Yankel ran into the first building for shelter.
It happened to be a church.
He sits down on the bench and hears the priest giving a sermon:
"Who are the wealthiest people? The liquor store owners. They are rich because they are taking
your money.
“And who own the nicest homes? The liquor store owners. They are rich because they are taking
your money...
“And who drive the nicest cars? The liquor store owners. Because they are taking your money!”
After the sermon Yankel went over to the priest to thank him. "What an inspiring speech. It
really left an impact on me, and I made a practical resolution as a result."
"You mean you are going to stop drinking," the priest asked with excitement.
“No,” Yankel said. “I ́m going to open a liquor store.”

rabbi had to spend time in a Catholic hospital

A rabbi had to spend time in a Catholic hospital. He became friends with the Sister who was a nurse
there.
One day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix on the wall was missing. She asked him, ";Rabbi, what have you done with the crucifix?","Oh, sister," chuckled the rabbi, "I just figured one suffering Jew in this room was enough."

Rabbi, a Minister and a Priest were gambling

A Rabbi, a Minister and a Priest were gambling one night when the police raided the club. The
officer approaches the table in surprise and said, Father O’Reilly, were you gambling? The priest
closes his eyes and offers a quick prayer. “Dear G-d, I know lying is a mortal sin, but please
tolerate it this one time.” He opens his eyes and clearly replies, No Office, I was not gambling.
The officer turns to the minister and says, Minister O’Neal, were you gambling? The minister
murmurs a quiet prayer for forgiveness and replies firmly, “No Office, I was not.”
The officer now turns to the Rabbi and demands, well then Rabbi, was it you that was gambling?
The rabbi smiles sweetly and replies, “But Office, with whom?”

Joke -Nearing the End

A priest and a pastor from the local churches are standing by the road pounding a sign into the ground that reads: The End is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now Before it's Too Late! As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone, you Religious nuts!" From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. The priest turns to the pastor and asks, "Do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge is down'?"

The Jewish advisor - joke

 
There once lived a king who had an advisor called Hymie. The king relied so much on the wisdom of Hymie that one day he decided to promote him to chief advisor. But the other advisors objected. 
They said, "It's OK sitting in counsel with a Jew, but to allow him to boss us about would be unacceptable." 
The King accepted their argument and ordered Hymie to convert. Hymie had to obey the King. 
But soon after, Hymie felt great remorse and over the months that followed he became despondent, his health suffered and he grew weak. 
Finally Hymie could take it no longer and made a decision. He went to the king and said, "I was born a Jew and a Jew I will always be. So do whatever you want with me." 
The King had no idea Hymie felt so strong about his 'conversion'. 
"OK," said the King, "if that's how you feel, go be a Jew again. The other advisors will just have to live with it. You're too important for me to lose." 
On his way back home to tell the news to his family, Hymie felt the strength surge back into his body. 
When he arrived, he called out to his wife, "Sarah, we can be Jews again, we can be Jews again." 
Sarah glared at him and said, "Couldn't you wait until after Passover?" 

The convert - Joke

The convert. 
Martin Lewis converts and becomes a priest. 
He give his first Mass in front of a number of high ranking priests who came for the occasion. At the end of the new priest's sermon, a cardinal goes up to congratulate him. "Pastor Lewis," he said, "That was very well done, you were just perfect. But next time, please don't start your sermon with, "Fellow Goyim..." 

Joke: A priest was called away for an emergency.

Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do.

The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned. I committed adultery."

Priest says: "How many times?" Woman: "Three times."

Priest says, "Say two Hail Marys, put $5.00 in the box, and sin no more."

A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

Priest says, "What did you do?" Man says, "I committed adultery."

Priest asks, "How many times?" Man replies, "Three times."

Priest says, "Say two Hail Marys, put $5.00 in the box, and sin no more."

The Rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

Rabbi says, "What did you do?"

Woman replies, "I committed adultery." Rabbi asks, "How many times?"

Woman says "Once."

Rabbi says, "Go do it two more times, we have a special this week, three for $5.00."

Walk on Water - Joke

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are out fishing in the middle of a lake.
The priest tells his two colleagues, "I left my fishing rod in the car; I'll
be right back." He gets out of the boat, walks across the water to the
beach, goes to the car, walks back across the lake, and gets into the boat.
The rabbi stares at this in amazement.
30minutes later, the minister says, "I need to go to the toilet." He, too,
gets out of the boat, walks across the water, finds the nearest men's room,
walks back across the water and gets into the boat. The rabbi is absolutely
dumbfounded!
The rabbi keeps thinking, "My faith is as great as theirs!" So he speaks up
and says, "I need to get something to drink; there's a refreshment stand on
the beach."
He stands up, puts his feet on the water, and SPLASH, he goes straight down
under the water. The priest and minister help him back into the boat. He is
embarrassed, not to mention wet, but he knows he can do it if the other two
can. So, he stands up again, steps out onto the water, and again, SPLASH!!
Again, he is dragged out and again he decides to try. As he is going down
for the third time, the priest turns to the minister and asks, "Do you think
we should show him where the rocks are?"
The Rabbi and his friends - 3
A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are discussing what they do with donations
to their respective religious organizations. The minister says that he draws
a circle on the floor, throws the money up in the air, and whatever lands in
the circle, he gives to God, and whatever lands outside the circle, he
keeps.
The priest uses a similar method. He draws the circle, but whatever lands
outside the circle, he gives to God, and whatever lands inside, he keeps.
The rabbi has a slightly different method of dividing the money. He throws
all the money up in the air. Whatever God wants, he keeps...

Joke - At your wedding.

A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
This baked ham is really delicious, the priest teased the rabbi. You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, At your wedding.

Kingdom of Heavan - joke

Harry is strolling down Main St. when he suddenly finds himself in the
middle of a ferocious summer storm. Quickly he ducks into the nearest
doorway, enters the building and settles himself down in the back of
an auditorium when he realizes that he just took refuge in a cathedral
in the middle of a service! Suddenly the minister calls out to all the
assembled: ?all those who want to enter the kingdom of heaven, rise?!
Half the assembled quickly rise. ?ALL WHO WISH TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF
HEAVEN, RISE?!! The other half quickly stand up- but old Harry bleibt
zitzen. ?Sir?! Calls out the minister, ?don?t you want to enter the
heavenly kingdom??
?Sure? says Harry wearily, ?but what?s the rush??

Bingo Seervice - joke

An Irish priest

An Irishman collapses in the middle of the street and thinking the end has come blurts out"a priest,get me a priest!"
A policeman arrives and asks the crowd gathering if anyone is a priest.
An old Jewish man comes
forward and says " Officer,I'm not a priest or even Catholic,but I've lived behind St. Mary's church for 30 years and I think I know the service by heart."
The policeman says to go ahead, the Irishman will probably not know the difference.
The elderly Jew kneels beside him, clasps his hands
together,and solomnly intones" B11,O42,N24....."