heavy house cleaning at home - passover

 Abe goes to see his boss and says, "we're doing some heavy house

cleaning at home tomorrow for Passover and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short handed.

Abe," the boss replies. "I just can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss." says Abe, "I knew I could count on you!"

The Jewish advisor - joke

 
There once lived a king who had an advisor called Hymie. The king relied so much on the wisdom of Hymie that one day he decided to promote him to chief advisor. But the other advisors objected. 
They said, "It's OK sitting in counsel with a Jew, but to allow him to boss us about would be unacceptable." 
The King accepted their argument and ordered Hymie to convert. Hymie had to obey the King. 
But soon after, Hymie felt great remorse and over the months that followed he became despondent, his health suffered and he grew weak. 
Finally Hymie could take it no longer and made a decision. He went to the king and said, "I was born a Jew and a Jew I will always be. So do whatever you want with me." 
The King had no idea Hymie felt so strong about his 'conversion'. 
"OK," said the King, "if that's how you feel, go be a Jew again. The other advisors will just have to live with it. You're too important for me to lose." 
On his way back home to tell the news to his family, Hymie felt the strength surge back into his body. 
When he arrived, he called out to his wife, "Sarah, we can be Jews again, we can be Jews again." 
Sarah glared at him and said, "Couldn't you wait until after Passover?" 

Story: Rabbi Levi Yitzchak - Looking for Chametz

Looking for Chametz

I then went on to tell a story about one of the greatest Chassidic masters, Rabbi Levi Yitzchok of Bardichev:

Rabbi Levi Yitzchak (1740-1809) spent his life acting as the self-appointed character witness for the Jewish people, engaging in a constant dialogue with G‑d, pointing out the unique qualities of every Jew he met.

It was the afternoon before Passover, and Rabbi Levi Yitzchak was wandering through the streets of the Jewish quarter seeking out local smugglers. From one he quietly asked for a quote on contraband tobacco, from another he enquired about the availability of smuggled brocades and embroideries. No matter the merchandise he sought, everything was available for the right price.

However, when he started asking his newfound acquaintances to supply him with some bread or whiskey, those very same businessmen who had previously proved so accommodating balked. "Rabbi," said one, "are you trying to insult me? The seder will be starting in just a few hours and no Jew would have even a speck of chametz left in his home or business."

Not one merchant was able to come up with even a crumb of bread or dram of alcohol. No matter the price offered, not one merchant was willing or able to come up with even a crumb of bread or dram of alcohol. The town had converted into a chametz-free zone.

Thrilled with the results of his failed quest, the rabbi looked up to heaven and declared: "G‑d Almighty, look down with pride at Your people! The Czar has border guards and tax-commissioners dedicated to his commands. The police and the courts are devoted to tracking down and punishing smugglers and black-marketers, and yet, anything one could possibly want is available. Contrast this with the faith and fidelity of Your Jews. It has been over 3,000 years since you commanded us to observe Passover. No police, no guards, no courts and jails enforce this edict—and yet every Jew keeps Your laws to the utmost!

"Mi k'amcha Yisrael – Who is like Your nation, Israel?!" Rabbi Levi Yitzchak exclaimed.

The grown-ups

The Sunday school lesson had just finished and the Rabbi asked if the
children had any questions. Little David quickly raised his hand.
"Yes, David? What question would you like to ask me?"
"I have four questions to ask you, Rabbi. Is it true that after the children
of Israel crossed the Red Sea, they then received the Ten Commandments?"
"Yes, David."
"And the children of Israel also defeated the Philistines?"
"Yes, David, that's also true."
"And the children of Israel also fought the Romans and fought the Egyptians
and built the Temple?"
"Again you are correct, David."
"So my last question is, Rabbi, what were the grown-ups doing all this
time?"

TO SEE ELIYAHU HANAVI

READ BY HEART) THERE WAS ONCE A WEALTHY MAN WHO WAS A FOLLOWER OF THE BAAL SHEM TOV… THIS MAN HAD A FASCINATION WITH ELIYAHU HANAVI (THE PROPHET ELIJAH)… HE HAD HEARD THAT THERE WERE CERTAIN SPIRITUAL EXERCISES ONE COULD DO THROUGH WHICH ONE COULD ACTUALLY GET TO SEE ELIYAHU HANAVI WITH ONE’S PHYSICAL EYES… SO HE CAME TO HIS REBBE, THE BAAL SHEM TOV, AND ASKED FOR THE PROGRAM… "REBBE, I WANT TO SEE ELIJAH THE PROPHET…. PLEASE HELP ME DO IT"…
THE BAAL SHEM TOV PUT HIM OFF, BUT THE MAN PERSISTED; HE WOULDN’T GIVE UP… FOR MONTHS HE BEGGED THE TZADIK TO LET HIM SEE ELIYAHU HANAVI… HE OFFERED ENORMOUS SUMS OF MONEY, BUT THE BAAL SHEM TOV REBUFFED HIM…
FINALLY, A FEW DAYS BEFORE PASSOVER, THE BAAL SHEM TOV TOLD THIS MAN THAT HE WOULD GIVE HIM THE PROGRAM – ALLOW HIM TO SEE ELIYAHU HANAVI – ON ONE CONDITION: HE’D HAVE TO CARRY OUT HIS INSTRUCTIONS EXACTLY AS CONVEYED – WITHOUT DEVIATING ONE IOTA… THE MAN READILY AGREED... “SURE REBBE, I’LL DO EXACTLY AS YOU SAY.”
“OKAY,” SAID THE BAAL SHEM, “THIS IS WHAT YOU DO… TAKE TWO BOXES AND FILL ONE WITH ENOUGH FOOD, WINE AND REFRESHMENTS FOR MANY PEOPLE… THE OTHER BOX YOU ARE TO FILL WITH CHILDREN'S CLOTHING… THEN, ON EREV PESACH (DAY BEFORE PASSOVER) TRAVEL TO THE CITY OF MINSK… ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN, RIGHT BEFORE WHERE THE FOREST BEGINS, THERE’S THIS DILAPIDATED HOUSE... FIND THAT HOUSE, AND SHORTLY BEFORE CANDLE- LIGHTING TIME AT SUNSET, KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND ASK IF THEY WOULDN’T MIND PUTTING YOU UP FOR THE HOLIDAY."
THE MAN HEARD THE INSTRUCTIONS… HE INFORMED HIS FAMILY THAT BEING THAT HE WAS ABOUT TO SEE HIS LIFE’S DREAM FULFILLED, HE WOULD HAVE TO BE AWAY FOR THE FIRST DAYS OF YOM TOV… HE THEN WENT AND DID EXACTLY AS THE BAAL SHEM TOV SAID…. HE FILLED PARCELS WITH FOOD AND CLOTHING AND WENT TO MINSK, WHERE HE FOUND THE BROKEN-DOWN HOUSE AT THE EDGE OF TOWN… HE KNOCKED ON THE DOOR. WHEN THE WOMAN OPENED IT, HE ASKED IF HE COULD STAY WITH THEM FOR THE HOLIDAY.
"HOW CAN I WELCOME YOU WHEN I DON'T HAVE ANY FOOD IN THE HOUSE!?" SHE EXCLAIMED…
"WELL I HAPPEN TO HAVE SOME BOXES HERE WITH ME," HE SAID, "I HAVE ENOUGH FOOD FOR ALL OF US."… HE CAME IN, OPENED THE BOX AND, GAVE THE CHILDREN FOOD TO EAT... THEN HE OPENED THE OTHER BOX AND THE CHILDREN ALL TOOK CLOTHES FOR THEMSELVES – THIS ONE A SHIRT, THAT ONE A JACKET, THE OTHER ONE A HAT... HE WAS THERE FOR TWO DAYS, CELEBRATING PASSOVER WITH THIS FAMILY, ALL THE WHILE WAITING TO SEE ELIYAHU HANAVI… HE DID NOT EVEN SLEEP... HOW COULD HE SLEEP?... HOW OFTEN DO YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO SEE ELIJAH THE PROPHET?.. BUT HE SAW NO ONE…. ELIYAHU DID NOT APPEAR TO HIM…
HE RETURNED TO THE BAAL SHEM TOV AND SAID, "REBBE, I WAS IN THAT HOUSE FOR TWO DAYS AND DID NOT SEE ELIYAHU HANAVI AS PROMISED!"…
"DID YOU DO EVERYTHING I TOLD YOU?" ASKED THE BAAL SHEM TOV….
"I DID!" HE SAID…
"AND YOU DIDN'T SEE HIM?"….
"NO, REBBE."….
"ARE YOU SURE?"
"YES, REBBE!... I DIDN'T SEE HIM!"
"IN THAT CASE,” SAID THE BAAL SHEM TOV, “YOU'LL HAVE TO RETURN FOR THE SECOND DAYS OF THE HOLIDAY… GO BACK THERE WITH A BOX OF FOOD… AGAIN, BE SURE TO ARRIVE JUST BEFORE SUNSET, BUT THIS TIME DON'T KNOCK IMMEDIATELY... WAIT FOR A WHILE AND JUST STAND IN FRONT OF THE DOOR, LISTENING."
THE MAN ONCE AGAIN TOLD HIS FAMILY THAT HE’D HAVE TO BE AWAY FOR THE SECOND DAYS AS WELL… IT WAS TOUGH, BUT THEY ALL AGREED THAT IT WAS WORTH HIS BEING AWAY THIS ONE HOLIDAY IF HE COULD FINALLY GET TO SEE ELIYAHU HANAVI…
HE WENT BACK TO THAT HOUSE IN MINSK… HE STOOD IN FRONT OF THE DOOR, LISTENING…. INSIDE HE HEARD THE CHILDREN CRYING, "MOMMY, WE'RE HUNGRY! WE HAVEN'T EATEN THE WHOLE DAY!” … TO WHICH HE HEARD THE MOTHER RESPOND, "CHILDREN!... DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE CRYING BEFORE PESACH THAT YOU HAD NO FOOD OR CLOTHES?.. AND I TOLD YOU THAT G-D WOULD SEND ELIYAHU HANAVI WHO'LL BRING YOU FOOD AND CLOTHING AND EVERYTHING ELSE YOU NEED!... WASN'T I RIGHT?... DIDN'T ELIYAHU COME AND BRING YOU FOOD AND CLOTHING?... HE EVEN STAYED WITH US FOR TWO DAYS!... WELL, I ASSURE YOU THAT ELIYAHU WILL COME NOW, TOO, AND BRING YOU FOOD!"…
THE CHASID THEN UNDERSTOOD WHAT HIS REBBE, THE BAAL SHEM TOV HAD MEANT…. HE KNOCKED ON THE DOOR…