never tell marriage jokes.

 You know, you should never tell marriage jokes.

Women don't find them funny,

And men don't think they're jokes.

Joke: women use more words than men

WORDS

A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men. Excited to prove to his wife his long-held contention
that women in general, and his wife in particular, talked too much, he showed her the studyath results, which stated: "Men use about 15,000 words per day,

but women use 30,000."  His wife thought awhile, then finally she said to her husband, "That's because we have to repeat everything we say."
The husband said, "What?"

One day in the Garden of Eden

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have 
a problem!"
  "What's the problem, Eve?"
  "Lord, I know you created me and provided  this beautiful garden and
all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but 
I'm just not happy."
  "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
  "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
  "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution.  I shall create a man 
for you."
  "What's a man, Lord?"
  "This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie,
cheat, and be vain and glorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time.
But...he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things.
He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining,
I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. 
He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and 
kicking a ball about.  He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your 
advice to think properly."
  "Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"What's the catch, Lord?"
  "Well... you can have him on one condition."
  "What's that, Lord?"
  "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll 
have to let him believe that I made him first.  Just remember, it's our
little secret...You know, woman to woman." 

in the Garden of Eden, eating strawberries

  A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said, 
"Where would man be today if it were not for woman?"
She paused a moment and looked around the room. "I repeat, where 
would man be today if it were not for woman?"
  From the back of the room came a voice, "He'd be in the Garden 
of Eden, eating strawberries."

Talmud - Dont make a Woman Cry

'Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because G-d counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved'
-Bava Metzia 59:A